You don’t have habits—your habits have you

In theme with last week’s post, I’d like to discuss those things we do automatically, unthinkingly, that are either contributing to a better life (feeding the good wolf), or making things a little worse as time goes on (feeding the evil wolf).

A Beginner's Guide to Habits

Over the next two to three weeks we’ll be covering what habits are, how they work, the elements of a habit, habits versus goals, how to break bad habits and build better ones, etcetera. I will do my best to keep things short, clear, and simple.

First of all, what’s a habit?

Habits are patterns—simple, repetitive loops your brain loves because they save energy and are therefore convenient. These looping patterns are running your life whether you realize it or not.

The Anatomy of a Habit

Every habit, good or bad, follows the same three-step structure:

1. Cue: The trigger. It’s the thing that kicks off the habit loop. Think of it as your brain’s alarm bell to do X or Y. A time of day, a location, or even a feeling can serve as the cue.
E.g. Feeling exhausted and stressed out after coming back home from work.

2. Behavior: The action. This is the habit itself—the thing you do in response to the cue.
E.g. Binge scrolling on social media

3. Reward: The payoff. This is why your brain bothers with the habit in the first place. It could be dopamine, relief, or just the satisfaction of completing something.
E.g. Refreshing your social media feed keeps your mind away from having to deal with your stress long enough until it’s time to sleep.

These three steps happen in sequence, and the more you repeat them, the stronger the habit becomes, eventually becoming automatic.

Why You Keep Repeating That Annoying Habit

Let’s say you’re trying to stop checking your phone every 15 seconds.
The cue: A notification, or maybe just boredom.
The behavior: Scrolling mindlessly.
The reward: A tiny dopamine hit from seeing likes, comments, or memes.

Your brain doesn’t care if this habit is productive. It only cares that it feels good, and that’s why you keep repeating it and why bad habits stick—they offer quick rewards, even if they sabotage you long-term.

The Key to Building Better Habits

The good news is that you can hack this system. Want to build a habit? Design your own habit loop.

- Cue: Pick a clear, consistent trigger, and tie it to an existing habit, like your morning coffee.

E.g. You want to write more.

- Behavior: Start small and incredibly easy. So easy, you’d feel stupid to not do it.
Tiny wins build momentum.
E.g. Write ONE sentence.

- Reward: Make it satisfying. Maybe it’s crossing the task off your to-do list or treating yourself to your favorite snack.

The trick is keeping it simple. Don’t overcomplicate it or try to overhaul your life overnight. Focus on one habit at a time.

As I said, next week we’ll cover more ground on habits. It’s a dense topic but I want to cover it for my own sake. I’m struggling with habits as we all are, and by exploring and writing about them, it helps to drill things in my mind and hopefully allows me to feed the good wolf more often. As I’ve said before, I’m writing to help myself and to potentially be helpful to those around.